Death to Swag!

I was originally a fan of the word swag. It was weird, but fun to use. But somewhere between Kreayshawn telling me that she "got the swag and it's pumping out her ovaries" and Justin Bieber lovingly caressing the word "swaggie"in his latest song, it just became too much. (Sidenote: doesn't the word swaggie sound like an epic diaper or something? Like a combination between swag and huggies? Somebody start selling that asap!)

Original image via coupontodisney.com

Swag is everywhere. Suddenly your great-uncle is "swagged out." Your mother has to "turn her swag on." Your cousin is walking around yelling "SWAG" in a high-pitched staccato. Clothes are described as "swaggerific." Even a Beyonce song mentions that "we got the swag sauce, we drippin' swagu." Although swagu sounds like some kind of odd combination between sweat and spaghetti sauce, I have to admit that I'd like to try it.

Image via kanyetothe.com

Some tumblr users have been particularly cowed by the word. I've seen way too many pictures of people holding a sign asking "Got Swag?" or Asians defining the word swag as "Something We Asians Got." Does it change the effect if I begin saying "Something We African Americans Got?"

 I guess "SWAAG" doesn't work as well. In fact, the acronym reminds me too much of Hermione Granger's club for elf rights, SPEW (that's a reference that will go over your head unless you've read the Harry Potter series). But I digress. Let's move on to the worst swag offense.

There's a little known movement that took place in Delaware  (which is probably why it's so little known) It's a swag movement. But no no no no! Delaware's swag movement is not just a term! Ha! Delaware has managed to turn swag into a DANCE! And not just any kind of dance either! This is the kind of dance that you could never ever do in front of your grandparents, the kind of dance that would probably have you excommunicated from every organization you belong to.

Want proof? There's a video (which you've probably never seen or heard of) called "Teach Me How to Swag" and yes, it features brief glimpses of swagging in action. This hilarious foray into sound-making (let us not demean music by calling it such a thing) features a Delaware "rapper" called Yung Lamborghini Deezy. First of all, everyone knows that you can't have a rap name that long. Even Puff Daddy eventually shortened his name to Diddy, despite the fact that it sounds like a six year old's euphemism for using the potty. The name Yung Lamborghini Deezy has just too many syllables for him to make it very far in his career. I'll refer to him as YLD.

Secondly, YLD speaks frequently of "bending her at the waist, making her throw it back, etc." I don't know how many years of schooling this guy has had, and maybe he's never taken an anatomy class, but he should really know that these things are physically impossible. Please get your life. I won't speak much of the main girl in the video who can't manage more than a dim smile and a blank expression while she makes vague dance motions. Maybe she was just awed by the presence of YLD.

Moving on, swag is overhyped, overdone, and overexposed. I'm hoping this will die the same way "bling-bling" faded, "the bomb" blew out, and "off-the-chain" fell away. Death to Swag!

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